Harry Potter and the value of reading a book
by Canon is dead long live fanfic
Summary: Harry Potter reads a book. 'Canon' pairings. Witness the boy who lived complete his destiny, beat Voldemort and live happily weasely ever after.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

I was bored. 'Canon' pairings. Usual procedure for my first chapter. Don't read and don't review.

Harry Potter and the book to greatness.

There is weather at 4 privet road. Like everywhere else, but because it's 'Harry Potters residence' I'm sure you feel the need to here about it. Ok. It's sunny, with a chance of light drizzle later on. Happy? I fucking thought so.

Harry Potter was lying on his bed moping. He's very good at that. He as currently blaming himself for world famine or some such shit when he remembered he was supposed to be mourning Sirius's death. Sirius Black, his only link to his parents (Not counting half the staff, a certain damn dirty werewolf etc) had just died. He cursed himself mentally, which resulting in hitherto unseen magical prowess resulting in him turning slightly yellow. If only he'd listened to Ginny he'd never have fallen for such an obvious trap.

He sighed as he remembered his best female friend. You know the one who'd also been there for him, saved his life on numerous occasions and best of all, always seen him as more than just the 'Boy Who Lived'. Ginny sure was wonderful. It would have been really awkward if she'd developed a crush on him because of his 'popularity', fortunately she was above such pettiness. Smart, fiery and loyal you couldn't fool her for a second. Unlike that stupid brat who'd almost unleashed death on all muggle-born's in his second year. Fortunately she'd solved it before she'd been petrified. So he could stop whoever it was, because he was Harry Potter and that was what Harry Potter did.

Saved the fucking day! Yeah baby Yeah. Not however Sirius, from smug self satisfaction to depressed in 20 seconds. The bi-polar weirdo. Plus Ginny had got hurt. He remembered the animalistic panic before his friend , Nigel was it, had confirmed a broken ankle wasn't usually fatal. He seemed rather burdened carrying someone he couldn't recall now. Yet another whip to beat himself with.

Then he remembered the prophecy, 'neither can live while the other survives'. Idly he wondered what he'd been doing for the last 16 years. Then another called out for attention, Albus had lied to him! I'm old enough to look after myself he thought randomly. First he needed a eensy bit of knowledge, then he needed a girl. Then with Ginny waiting for him he could go off and defeat Voldemort. Since he was Voldemort's equal it was bound to be over by no later than the 7th book. Sorry his 7th year. Then he could get married to the family he already considered his family…mmm incest.

Suddenly the book. Defeating Voldemort for Dummies appeared in his lap. Cool. He leafed through the chapters.

Chapter 1: Cool sounding curses to make up for the fact you've slaked off for your first 5 years at Hogwarts.

Frankly a summoning charm, a water heating charm and the few hexes Ginny taught him for his third task didn't really cut it.

Chapter 2: Getting Horcuxes to land in your lap. Literally.

Chapter 3: Slightly nastier curses to help defeat wizards raised in the Dark Arts.

Chapter 4: Voldemort's key weakness that no other wizard on this planet knows.

Sweet. All he had to do was read one book and he would become the most well read most powerful wizard ever and be able to defeat Voldemort the now second most powerful wizard ever in time for graduation.

Vaguely he wondered why all of a sudden he'd gained a clue and decided not to mope and bitch and blame all his problems on everyone else. Maybe he was channelling the spirit of someone recently deceased. Nah, that would be silly. Author looks shifty.

Suddenly a tombstone fell on his face, which was fortunately protected by layers off self satisfaction. What the fuck? He read it. His finger tracing a line under the words.

Hermione Jane Granger

1979-1995.

Beloved daughter and selfless friend.

Who the fuck was she?

He looked through his family album, suddenly he stopped. Ginny was married? No wait that was his mother. His heart speed returned to normal. He had been slightly worried having known Molly Weasley by the phrase 'to know how a girl will turn out look at her mother' but if Ginny was going to turn out like his mother that was OK

A week of isolation later reading a 200 hundred page book Harry smiled. Now he was the most powerful wizard ever and he didn't have to do any work for it. Sweet.

However now he was tired. Smiling slightly thinking of Ginny he feel asleep.

"_Ahhh my faithful slaves…er I mean followers." Hissed a cold voice. "How goes my plan?"_

"_You mean the plan that will take the entirety of your attention for an entire school year only for it too fail due to the efforts of Harry Potter?" Simpered Peter Pettigrew._

"_Yes, that's the one."_

"_I have good news, sir. One of his closest friends suffered a curse whilst holding off our Death Eaters at the DOM, she recently died."_

_Dream Harry frowned having completely forgotten about this person._

"_Why is this good news?" Voldemort was obviously just as confused as him._

"_She was the smart one of his 'Golden Trio' without her he'd have probably died or failed his first year."_

"_Good, good."_

Harry woke with a start. Wormtail must have gone completely mental. Everyone knew the smartest of their trio had started school a year after them. Being Ron's sister Ginny and not his twin. He vaguely felt some guilt for leading some unknown witch to her death. He vowed to avenge her by killing a suitably impressive death eater. Maybe Crabbe senior or Goyle senior.

After all he was Harry Potter the boy destined to kill Voldemort cos of what some batty fraud said 16 years ago.

Woo Hoo. Boredom, shitty music and a keyboard do not mix.


	2. Chapter 2

-1Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

I was bored. 'Canon' pairings. Usual procedure for my first chapter. Don't read and don't review.

Harry Potter and the book to greatness.

There was also weather at 'The Burrow', it was sunny with nice puffy clouds in the sky, not sunny enough to harm any delicate skin that may be sported by those with perfect Red Hair. Such a person as Ginny Weasley who was currently swooping through the skies looking much like a cat, for some odd reason.

Making a sound like a cat soaring on a broomstick, which she did perfectly. Cat sounds, soaring on broomsticks, well everything really. She smiled happily, like a cat with the cream. She spotted Harry Potters best friend, sorry her older brother Ron, zooming rather clumsily but enthusiastically below her. Which she considered an apt metaphor. Quickly she looked up for a certain scar-headed someone., only to find Hedwig carry what looked like a ginger rug. Frowning she turned back to her half-witted brother.

"Hey Harry's best friend."

"Hey Harry's girlfriend."

They used these titles to avoid people going through the bother of actually learning their names. Which would never happen. Ginny then made some amusing joke about Ron's masculinity which considering the company was an amazing show of originality. What a wit that girl had. She still remembered her joke about Ron having a pygmy puff on his chest, where did she get pygmy puff from? Oh, yeah. She had a pygmy puff as a pet. Wow.

"So, when's Harry coming."

"I thought you kept track of all such occurrences."

"It's me or his right hand. Who would you date?"

"Err…"

"Cutting off his right hand is a small price for dating some as perfect as him."

"Err…"

"So when is Harry arriving."

"Err…"

"You know this one."

"Oh yeah! He'll be here later on."

"Cool! I can impress him with my cooking."

"But you're shit at potions, which is OK because Snape is a twat."

"Honestly Ronald! Didn't you know that while skill at potions and cooking is mandatory for Slytherin men, it's exclusive for the rest of us."

A/N You will note that any man who is good at potions in fanfic will invariably have their cooking praised, whereas Hermione who is excellent at potions will almost invariably (in a large minority of fics) have her cooking skills trashed. Despite it being the very argument used to make Snape, Draco, etc excellent cooks. Either they're idiots or fan fiction is full of bitter little bitches jealous of Hermione. Who by the way can fly. She is specifically mentioned flying in the first year. In the book. You fuckwits. No really. She can.

"So you're saying I should snare Draco or Snape?"

"Whatever Ron."

"Cool!"

Ginny watched bemusedly as he bounced away. Then again hatred was the other side of love, right? What better way to start a relationship than by pissing of your potential mate for the first 6 years. Oh, right. Stalking them like a sick little hero worshipping fan girl. Sorry.

Bored now.

Til' next time.

Ciao.


End file.
